And He weeps too...

I hesitate to write in the aftermath of Tsunami; what can one say that is worth saying and yet these thoughts have been weighing on me.

"What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then
vanishes" (James 4:14)

This verse has been on my mind for a few days and then as I was preparing for our worship team and reading the text, I read

"People are like grass that dies away; their beauty fades as quickly as the
beauty of wildflowers. The grass withers and the flowers fall away." (I Pet
1:24)

We are so frail. In one earth shattering heave, the ocean waves are unleashed to wipe away thousands of people in moments. And as we look on in disbelief, unable to fathom what we are seeing, our perpective changes.

Things that may have seemed so important yesterday suddenly seem so trivial. I picture one lady's grief over her dead baby that she is holding in her arms and my heart grieves too as I realize just how precious my own children are. Self-importance flies out the window and suddenly we realize we are small, weak and insignificant.

I saw a lecture being advertised to learn how to never say "I can't". And it struck me as so ironic. Postive thinking doesn't change the fact that there are so many things I can't do. I can't fly just because I think I can. And I can't fix the enormous suffering of thousands no matter how much I want to. I can help in small ways. But most of all I can pray. Some people will feel anger towards God because this happened. But without Him this is just a huge tragedy with much unaccounted for. But as I pray, I know that He knows each person missing today; He knows the story of every person in each unmarked grave; He sees every tear drop; He knows each heart ache. And He weeps too.

Here's Paxton. He's not too sure about Santa Claus :-)

I haven't been on the computer much the last few days. Right now it feels painful to type because I've been sanding wood for hours (and staining,etc).

It's Rory's bed that I started in spring. I got so far and then had to leave off until Ladger could give me a hand with cutting the lumber into the right lengths. I tried two different saws but when they didn't work for me, I didn't want to use our circular saw (because it's not a very good one and I'm not comfortable with it). So Ladger was unable to help me out until recently and now I've got lots to do. I finally finished sanding and now all I have left is more staining and varnishing. And then it's on to my next project. The bathroom. I've already picked a new paint color and I can't wait to get started. I'll have to take a before and after picture to share with you.

'Twas the night after Christmas and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring.....EXCEPT Paxton!

I'm simply amazed at those who sleep with their children in their bed. We tried that last night with Paxton after I held him for quite awhile and he was still not falling asleep. He was clearly tired but toss and turn; toss and turn. Finally when he fell asleep at 2:30 am, I was quick to place him in his own bed as I'd never sleep as long as he was there. And just when I thought I'd get some rest the water softener started up (in a closet in our bedroom) and Ladger thought it sounded funny so he got up with a flashlight to check it out. Nothing unusual so finally he gets back to bed. It's no wonder I slept in a little this morning

This morning I got up and got ready for church and actually made a potato scallop to go with some left over turkey!!! If you know me than you would be impressed as I almost never have dinner in the oven before I head to church. But with my new food processor, those potatoes were in thin slices before I could turn around. I love it, I love it, I love it!!! I wasn't sure about a food processor for years but since I've been making an effort to cook with more veggies, I can see that it will be a real time saver for me. Ladger's a smart guy - getting me the best in kitchen appliances can only mean better meals - so we're all going to benefit from that one - LOL

This morning was church and as there was no Sunday School, there were also not too many families with young children. Ladger and I braved it and fared not too badly. We held off going to the nursery for as long as possible and then finally Ladger went with Paxton and I was left with keeping Rory quiet and settled. I went out with him a couple of times for a 'serious talk' and then back in I went and couldn't help noticing grins from those who had 'been there; done that' somewhere along the way :-)

We had a great Christmas - the boys gave us no trouble at all even though we were at Grandma and Grandpa's just about all day. I've gotta go because those scalloped potatoes are ready and I'm starving! Hope you all had a blessed Christmas!

Christmas Eve

This evening I've been asked to sing El Shaddai (Michael Card and John Thompson)

El Shaddai, El Shaddai (Almighty God)

El Elyon Na Adonai (God in the highest, Lord)

Age to Age you're still the same

By the power of the name

El Shaddai, El Shaddai

Er Kam Ka Na Adonai (I will have compassion on You Lord)

We will praise and lift You high

El Shaddai

Through your love and through the ram

You saved the son of Abraham

Through the power of your hand

You turned the sea into dry land

To the outcast on her knees,

You were the God who really sees

And by your might

You set Your children free

Through the years You made it clear

That the time of Christ was near

Though the people couldn't see

What Messiah ought to be

Though Your Word contained the plan

They just could not understand

Your most awesome work was done

Through the frailty of Your Son

Two phrases stand out to me: "I will have compassion on You Lord "(as one source interprets the phrase Er kam ka na adonai). Are our hearts tender with compassion at the thought of all that God did in coming to this earth as a newborn baby knowing His purpose was to give His life up for us?

"To the outcast on her knees, You were the God who really sees"

I love how God loves the unlovely (which is actually each one of us); He knows us completely and still loves us so much!

If you think of it, pray for me so that I forget about my own insecurities in singing in front of people and be able to worship God wholeheartedly this evening :-)

Merry Christmas to each one of you!

I think this is Ladger's great grandpa (might be his grandpa - I forget :-) Anyhow - I just love this pic and thought I'd pass it on.

This is the combine Ladger and his dad are taking a look at.

I don't normally do much for Christmas baking but one of my voice students gave me a beautiful jar with cookie ingredients and instructions. I let Rory and Paxton help me. Paxton broke an egg on the table and the shell and yolk fell onto the....well it was headed for the floor but landed on his highchair tray which I was thankful was there. Rory calls himself the "dumper man" because he got to dump the scoops of cookie dough on the coookie sheet. I can't wait to try one - they have oatmeal, dried cranberries and white chocolate chips in them.

Ladger is away with his dad to check out a combine in North Dakota - won't be back until late tomorrow. Rory got up looking everywhere for Ladger and when he realized he was gone he sat down on the floor in the kitchen. I sat down with him as he told me he was so sad. How precious to be loved so much!

The Greatest Love

Last night we had an excellent special evening of music - so much variety and very meaningful! I got to play piano for a couple of teens that I work with at school (guitar, piano and voice lessons). I was so proud of them! My boys stayed with Grandma and Grandpa so Ladger and I got to truly enjoy the concert and the cheesecake served afterwards.

I've been having sad feelings over these holidays - burdened with grief for friends mourning the loss of their baby girl; feeling helpless for a family that's been broken up recently and a friend who has been struggling with her health for ten years and can't get a helpful diagnosis and/or treatment. I often wake up in the night, shed tears and fall back asleep praying for these dear people. We seem to get the idea that Christmas should be a time without pain and problems but in fact the wonder of the story of Christmas happens in the midst of tragedy.

The entire human race is lost and has no hope of a relationship with God...so He provides a way. But it means becoming fully human in order to take our place...to bear the punishment we deserve. The Son of God wraps himself in a human body with all the limitations we all have and becomes a son of man. He is born to a couple who have already born the stigma of having a baby outside of marriage; in a time of Roman rule and oppression. And instead of being born at home with all the help from mid-wives and family in a nice warm, cozy home, He was born in a stable among the barn animals - quite possibly a cave - dark, cold and no doubt strong smelling just because it was mandatory to travel to Bethlehem to pay taxes.

An ignoble beginning for the King of all Kings, for the Alpha and Omega (beginning and end). And why was He born in such a place and in such a time? To save you and I. Not from pain and hardship. But from hopelessness and meaninglessness. He came to give us a position (son and heir of God), to give us hope and a purpose. And most of all to restore us to a relationship with our Creator. Christmas shouldn't be a time where we feel miserable because our lives reflect something other than perfection; we can rejoice that in the midst of everything, God loves us so much - the most amazing, undeserved love in all of human experience.

From our house to yours...

A Christmas Prayer

Lord Jesus, help me to move beyond the season's festivities and come to that quiet place...

where I can reflect on what it cost You to leave Heaven's glory for me

Like the shepherds and wise men,

Let me kneel in worship before You and feel the love that was born at Christmas

Reach into my heart.

Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of ... our Saviour Jesus Christ who gave Himself for us, that He might redeem us...Titus 2, 13,14

Here's our Christmas village with our Jesse tree in the center.

Here is Rory concentrating on his 'schoolwork' and Paxton looking on.

Yesterday was one of those incredibly busy days - After working at school all day and picking up the boys and making supper, I went out for the evening for our splurge club Christmas party. I had a hard time going after being away from my boys all day. But it was a good evening and today I'm home for the day. I started it off with watching Rory's new Bob the Builder video with him. One part made him laugh so hard - harder than I've ever seen him laugh over a show. His laughing made me laugh

I got up this morning and without even stopping to eat breakfast, made up meatballs for lunch - ambitious, eh? Then I came in here to write and before I got started Rory came running, "Paxton's salting our food!!!" I went out to see that indeed Paxton had been shaking a heap of salt on those lovely meatballs - ugh! Anyhow, I rinsed them off and they're not really worse for the wear. I'm so glad Rory caught our little scamp before more damage was done! Maria has a great site where lately she's been posting heart-warming, beautiful Christmas stories. Go check it out!

Rory's version of Away in a Manger
can be heard
here.

Merry Christmas - here's one from my childhood.
I'm in the peach dress holding my youngest sister.

Last evening, Ladger and I left the boys with his parent for an 'over-nighter' so we could go to a Christmas party and be a little late without disturbing the boys. It was really nice - it's been awhile since I laughed 'til it hurt. And it was a real blessing in a day that needed a bright spot.

Earlier Ladger was not feeling well and so he came back in the afternoon for a bit of a rest. He's been doing a lot of work drying grain that was too wet when we combined it. Some of it had started to mold so it was quite urgent. So just before supper Ladger came in and said, "I guess we're done drying for awhile". I thought that was a good thing until he explained that the wind had blown over our largest conveyor onto another auger putting both out of commission for a good while (maybe for good). Not only that but the roads were sure to be icy (freezing rain) and we weren't sure if we should head out or not.

Sometimes it's hard to get going when everything seems to go wrong but often that's when we get big blessings. We were both so glad we had gone.

This morning was church and it was the first time Paxton went to the 18mos to 3 years old class. I was leading the singing and the craft time this morning and it was neat to see Paxton in there with the older kids. In a few weeks we'll send Rory over to the 4-5 year old class.

It was such a neat surprise to run into this as I was surfing my favorite blogs. You made my day, Zeke. I've never been called an angel before!

A couple of people have mentioned how helpful it is when babies learn communicate through sign language. Paxton has learned how to tell on his brother. If I leave the room and hear a sudden cry from Paxton and go to investigate I ask Paxton what happened. If he hits himself, he's telling me that Rory hit him there (or pushed him). All I can say is, "Look out, Rory!" (Paxton is sitting here giggling at this smiley as I write!)


Paxton can say one word very clearly and consistently: HOT!
This is good....as he insists on helping me cook.

I love Christmas lights, trees and celebration. I love our tree and I have had different people ask how I manage to keep the tree looking good with two very active preschoolers around. Well I don't get uptight about it and they've never found a big reason to bother with it much. Rory helped decorate it and has made a number of ornaments this year to help decorate it. I also let each of the boys pick a new ornament to buy each year (that will be their own collection to take with them when they leave home).
I did see a very odd sight the other day though.
Rory stuck the flyswatter on the tree - not exactly a pretty sight :-)

Truth......Or Not?!!

"You can believe what you want but don't impose your beliefs on me."

"What you believe may be true for you but don't push it on me."

"Tolerance for everyone is the way to peace and harmony and is the hope of mankind."

These are typical phrases that I hear from many people from all walks of life that indicates their philosophy or world view. It is a world view that rejects God as a reality. It also rejects absolute truth. In my college days, much of the intellectual 'elite' in our universities, etc considered faith in God as being irrational and not scientifically provable - I'm sure it's still that way to a large extent. If one does not believe in God, then there really is no reason to think that there is one set of rules for mankind to follow (moral code). All societies and cultures have their own moral code based on what works for them. This is the basis of relativism and pluralism. There is no standard of truth; rather there are many possible realities. There is no way to separate what is right from what is wrong. In fact, right and wrong almost become interchangeable; balance means there is a mix of both good and evil (New Age).

I've got to admit that as much as I try to 'understand' this way of thinking, it still eludes me. I cannot see the logic of believing that two opposite statements of truth can both be equally true.

The question is, "What makes any statement true?"

Without God, I can see that there is no standard of truth that is acceptable for all people, all cultures, all time. So essentially there is no truth if there is no God. There is no right or wrong. Our culture and society prescribe the 'norm' for existing but that is all it can do. The only truth is that there is no truth (oops, speaking of not being logical!!).

This explains why anyone who believes and acts on a universal truth can seem offensive. If I believe murder is wrong because God holds a standard that says all life is valuable and created by Him, then I cannot just overlook murder. I must do everything I can to value life just as God does. When God's standard says that homosexuality is deviant to His design then that must take precedence over the popular view that homosexuality is a valid and healthy lifestyle choice. If I stand for truth, I don't have to impose it on you. It just is....if it really is truth. Truth is beyond us; I can believe or disbelieve it and it doesn't change a thing. Truth is objective and is not defined by us.

Without God, where do we draw a line? What do we accept and what do we not accept? Is murder wrong? Who says so? Maybe it's wrong for you but right for me in my particular circumstance. Do you have the right to judge me and on what basis? Is lying wrong? Maybe it's actually good in a lot of situations. Is stealing wrong? Maybe it's right for me in my circumstance, especially if I'm stealing for a good cause. How do we decide then who is actually guilty of any wrong-doing? How do we decide who is good and worthy? It seems to me that we all have our justifications for the things we do and there are reasons for the way we behave.

Earlier I mentioned that many believe faith in God is irrational. But do not be fooled. If one does not have faith in God than one's faith is placed somewhere else. Is it in science, evolution, mankind, yourself? And the question I ask is "How rational is your faith?" Is it based on truth.....or not?

Paxton isn't talking yet (18 mos). Somedays I feel like I can't wait to hear him speak in his little baby voice. But then I listen to Rory and then I believe I have the patience to wait after all.

Rory has become quite the little 'parent'! He likes to get Paxton from his high chair after meals and I have to hurry to make sure his hands are clean before Rory gets to him. His latest is getting Paxton out of the crib. He did it once and then I watched the next time to see what he was doing. He puts his comforter and pillow on the floor by the crib and then hauls Paxton over the rail onto the comforter. I won't mention the discipline Rory thinks Paxton needs from time to time :-)

Christmas is coming fast! I did some online shoping this year and that's fun for me - I prefer it to shopping at the mall - Anyday!! I guess it makes me feel part of the global scene when I can order tea from Conneticut, lace-making supplies from California, toys from Ontario, etc. ? How do you prefer to shop?

The Problem of 'Tolerance'.

Our culture has taught us that to be a good member of our society we must be tolerant and if everyone would be tolerant of everyone else than we can all live together in peace and harmony - utopia. But what is this really saying?

Tolerance implies dislike and disagreement. I don't like you but I tolerate you. I don't agree with you but I tolerate you. (Sounds like bad medicine - tastes bad but for the greater good, I tolerate it). Tolerance requires effort. It is like saying, "Hey, I don't approve of you and maybe I don't even like you but I'll put up with you because I believe that's what I ought to do. Isn't that good of me for being so gracious? And isn't that terrible if everyone doesn't treat you with the same 'dignity' as I do?"

Those who live by the 'religion' of tolerance really believe that those who seem to be intolerant are enemies to our society and our hopes for peace. And here is where Christians are so often misunderstood. If Christians truly live according to the Bible, we are intolerant of what God is intolerant of. Is God intolerant? He is intolerant of evil. He is holy and cannot tolerate unholiness. God does not tolerate irreverance and disobedience. He does not make an effort to 'tolerate' me, putting up with my sinfulness.

INSTEAD, He provides a way of salvation because He doesn't choose to just 'tolerate' me. He loves me. Unbelievable. He loves me. He loves me as His own child and is constantly working in me to become more like Him.

So am I to be tolerant of those around me; especially those with whom I disagree and naturally dislike? NO!! I am to love you; to embrace you with an open and warm heart. But I cannot embrace what is evil; what is unjust and what is unholy. Please don't ask me to.

Last night we started our Jesse tree. It's an advent series of devotionals for the family that includes a significant ornament each day until Christmas. This morning I want to find a playdough that I can bake so I can make a miniature world for tonight's ornament. We're putting the ornaments on Ladger's old Christmas tree - his pre-marriage days. I couldn't believe he didn't have a bigger tree than that - what a bachelor. He just took this one out of the box and put it on its stand and the lights and decorations were already on it so voila! - No work at all! I took off all the ornaments and restrung the lights and am now finding a good use for it :-)

Yesterday, an elder and his family from our church board came to our place for an 'interview' for church membership. Ladger and I finally finished with our 'homework' last weekend and were able to hand it in on Sunday. Here's some things I learned about the Alliance Christian & Missionary Association. It's founder was A.B. Simpson who was born in P.E.I. and who became a Presbyterian minister in Ontario. I was surprised because this denomination is much stronger out west than in the Maritimes! Really interesting to this Maritimer.

While Simpson was pastoring a church in the US, he started seeing that Missions was absolutely crucial and started this association as a mission - not a church. Churches started as a secondary mandate. It is important that our churches make missions a priority and not become too focused on our own backyard, so to speak. It is considered an alliance of many evangelicals from many different denominations and so the doctrinal statement leaves room for disagreement on non-essential issues such as Post versus Pre - Tribulation.

Simpson eventually had to leave the Presbyterian church because he became convinced that adult baptism was the correct scriptural interpretation. Covenant theology teaches that infant baptism is the sign of the New Covenant just as circumcision is the sign of the Old Covenant. We tend to see a model in the New Testament that clearly indicates baptism after conversion and tend to have our babies dedicated - although this is not considered a sacrament like marriage, communion, etc. It is more just a public statement by the parents that they will raise their child in a godly family with the support and prayers of the congregation. I think the idea was started as a way to 'present our children at the temple' just as Jesus was.

So this Sunday, Ladger and I will be received into membership.

---

Tonight is 'splurge' club. I'm looking forward to it as I've missed it for the past couple of months and I've worked hard at getting some of the house cleaned up today (namely our room which has been sadly neglected for too long) so I will really enjoy the opportunity to sit back, relax and visit with some great gals in our area!

Here's wishing all my American friends

a terrific Thanksgiving weekend!

Well I've not been doing too well keeping up with this blog lately - I'm spending most of my online time at Expedia.ca planning our trip in February. We've got some hotel rooms booked, a rental car and our flight so those were the major items that needed to get looked after. We have lots of time now to plan the days in between our arrival and departure. It seems unbelievable but we're able to fly to Boston stay at a hotel two nights and rent a car for our trip and still be paying less than if we'd flown directly to New Brunswick! Our hotel will pick us up from the airport with a free shuttle service. The rental car company will bring our car to the hotel the next day. And it's so neat to see all those kinds of details fall into place. We've also arranged to stay with our friends in Calgary the night before we leave and the night on the day we get back to Calgary as well as leave our vehicle there.

---

The boys are both napping right now and I'd better finish typing as I have some cleaning up and photocopying to do before my piano/voice student arrives at 4:30 pm.

---

I've started reading one of my old philosophy texts by A J Ayer. It was an assignment actually - I had to refute the arguments in that book. He makes an effort to eliminate metaphysics as having any relevance to truth therefore God and anything else metaphysical is nonsensical. It's a little tougher to make sense of than most things I read these days so bear with me
as I get my brain back into gear

Rory was trying to convince us that he needed some candy before supper tonight: "There's no steam yet!" If it were Ladger, he'd say, " There's no smoke yet".

This week has been busier than usual with two birthday parties for Rory to attend. The first one was Monday morning and I took the opportunity to get my hair cut - Yay! Then Tuesday was MOPS with our crazy hat day. And then Wednesday was a 'tea party'. The other little guy left a little earlier than the rest of the kids and then it was Rory and the girls; which was just fine until as I was sitting with the other Moms and visiting, I heard a collective GASP and looked up to see my Rory in his birthday suit on top of the picnic table. What's up with with him these days? Needless to say I'm sure this will be a repeat performance as he managed to shock then amuse a whole group of ladies. Any comedian would love such an audience!!

Rory (4) still insists on taking off all his clothing when he goes to the potty. And then it's a chore to get them back on him again so yesterday I insisted that he would not get to eat supper unless he got himself dressed. He wandered around the house looking for his clothes but couldn't seem to remember where he left them but I was determined he was going to do this on his own. Finally he showed up at the table dressed very oddly. He had a t-shirt on with pajama bottoms with underwear hanging out - MY underwear!!! He was proud of himself and I'm thinking if I make no big deal of it maybe he won't bother doing it again

Colored Glasses: What do you see?


Why is philosophy important? I have come across a phrase several times lately: liberal media bias. Surely the media dislikes this description as their goal is to be objective when reporting world events. But words are powerful and give impressions (whether intended or not) that reflect....

To continue reading...

By the way I mentioned my interest in philosophy - what brought that on? I literally tripped over it. That is to say, I tripped over "Faith and Rationality: Reason and Belief in God" which is a series of essays edited by Alvin Plantinga and Nicholas Wolterstorff. Yes, I tripped over it because my boys hauled out a lot of books in my bookshelf from my college days and I realized that I'd actually like to get back 'into' it!

---

On a different note, the other day Rory was walking all bent over and funny and said,"God made me crooked".

We booked our ticket! I mentioned briefly to Ladger that maybe we should consider heading to the East Coast this winter as Paxton is still under two and doesn't require an air ticket. A few days ago, he says to me "Go ahead and look into it." I love the internet for this kind of thing! I tried all kinds of options and dates and found what I believe is the best option for us.

Ladger, the boys and I will be flying to Boston in early February. We will stay overnight at a hotel and then over the next week and a half we'll be driving up to Saint John and the Miramichi and visiting family and friends. It is so much less expensive to fly across the US than Canada - especially now with our dollar being stronger. So now we have a few months to make some arrangements and then it's off we go!

Today we remember........

The irony and the journey....

I've been surfing around on a few different blogs via Blog Explosion and I have to laugh at the irony of those who complain about housewives writing about their 'trivial' lives and being inappropriate enough to clog up the blogosphere when there are so many more valuable blogs (like their own presumably) that merit being read. I do not apologize for my part in this just as I do not apologize for my existence on the earth. I really do not expect anyone to be vitally interested in all the details of my day but it is invaluable to me to record it because it is personally important and it is a vehicle for sharing my personal life with friends and relatives who do not live close by. And the bonus is that I've met some really great people, some of whom are becoming friends as we share experiences; laugh, cry and even pray together.

However I have been thinking that I really want to expand my writing to include more philosophy. That sounds heady but how we think determines our values and our belief system influences everything about our lives. That's why getting into big debates on my blog does not interest me too much - not because I don't like debating but because most of the time it never develops into anything more than surface back-and-forth bickering that never examines the real issues. When I read most debates on the blog it is evident that neither party is going to give an inch and the best that can result is to 'agree to disagree'. I've also read many bloggers describe their blogs as being philosophical but I've yet to run into any philosophical terms like existentialism or pluralism, etc. Most of it is really just sharing opinions. So I want to use my blogspace as a chance to examine the philosophy that colors my world. Are you up for the journey with me?

• I found my Bible!! I went through every corner of my house several times looking for it. I went to two different churches hunting for it. I went through both vehicles. I even prayed about finding it! Why was I so desperate - don't I have another Bible or two? Yes, I have a number of Bibles but this was my favorite and anyone who has a favorite Bible can relate to how lost one can feel without it. I found it at my church but just sitting on a pew and wouldn't have noticed it on any given Sunday except I was there on Saturday for a worship practice.
• We went to town this morning and so it's so peaceful now that the boys (and Ladger) are sleeping. I worked on putting a worship music package together for this Sunday and called around to pull a team together. And now I still have some time to sit down and chat with y'all.
• This past Sunday was very interesting. We started off our music package with a couple of good strong songs: Great in Power and then a neat version of Nothing But the Blood of Jesus and then a reprise of the chorus of Great in Power again. And it felt dead. Sometimes I wish we could just pray that God would empower us and voila, instant sense of the presence of God. But I know that puts God in a box and it's not the way He works. But by the end of the service something happened because I started off the final song and couldn't sing. The song was "I Have Decided to Follow Jesus". It's a good thing everyone knows it because they really didn't need me leading it as I was singing around a big lump and didn't manage to join in until the third verse. It ended up being a really moving service and it was awesome being a part of it.
• The message was taken from Matthew 15. The main emphasis I got from the message was how arrogant we can be in our thinking. If we think we have something of value to offer to God we don't realize how seriously offensive that is to God. We often say that we love God with all our heart as if that were some great gift to God - our heart. But Jeremiah says our heart is deceitful and desperately wicked. It is not in us to seek God; any seeking we do is actually initiated by God himself because He loves us so much. And any value in our hearts is only when His heart eclipses our heart. God is drawn to our need and it is when we are broken that He draws us to Himself and fills us up. Dare I pray to be broken? How can I not?

Last evening we watched "Spiderman" and quite enjoyed it. This morning Rory was Spiderman, I was the Green Monster and Paxton was the girl - lol. Rory carting Paxton around and trying to keep him from me was quite funny.

Ladger went combining and if all goes well, TODAY will be our LAST DAY!!! I went a little nuts Saturday because I was involved in a MOPS fundraising supper and I was supposed to be helping from 3:30 - 5:00 without kids and then Ladger was going to bring the boys for supper and then I was going to be off to a worship team practice starting at 6:30 pm (half an hour drive) while Ladger watched the boys. But on Friday I realized this wasn't going to happen because all of a sudden Ladger's been able to put in longer days (for awhile he was lucky to get in 2 hours before it got too tough) and he wouldn't be around all day. So I went to the supper with the boys and it went better than expected but I had to rush away to drive Rory out to the field so he could stay with Ladger while I took Paxton to practice. Of course Ladger was in the farthest corner of the field and I had to drive a mile on the field to get to him. It took me half an hour out of my way and then Ladger tells me he's on his way home in a little bit because it was getting too tough and I had to change plans again. There was no sense in taking Paxton to town with me if Ladger was coming home soon so I hoped Ladger's mom could watch Paxton until Ladger came home and so that's what we did. However, by then, I was running late and really had to hurry to make it to town in time for practice. And there was no one there (which was a bit of a relief and concern at the same time). I quickly started to setup and it wasn't long before the rest of the team showed up except the drummer who had forgotten. After all that - the practice went great! But I CAN'T WAIT for Harvest to be DONE and I can get back to some consistency in my life! I happened to be sitting next to another MOPS farmer widow at supper and she and I could relate perfectly at how stressful it can be at times being married to a farmer just because of the constant uncertainty in scheduling. Who would have thought that making commitments in November would be made difficult because we'd still be combining?

I had a good day at the school yesterday. (teaching guitar, voice and piano lessons) It's so much more than a job to me - I value being involved in the lives of these young people, even if it's in a small way. And truly these are a wonderful group of kids - I enjoy each one of them.

Today is a busy day but a subdued one as I'm a little tired. I had a friend over for coffee so at least the house got straightened up before she came and it's looking pretty good. Now it's time to tackle some bathrooms and laundry.

Kids are hilarious when company comes over. Rory found a hammer and was smashing coke cans... then throwing the cans at the wall....then climbing onto the counter....and just acting very strange; obviously jealous for my attention. Paxton squirted milk from his bottle into a juice container and then was trying to drink the milk from that container but was otherwise a little more 'normal' (whatever normal is at my house)!

This is taken when I was 8. Mom sent me pictures of my childhood (Thanks Mom!) and it has been special to go through them.

The day after the election! I'm so thankful to see Bush back in the saddle.

Yesterday was MOPS and we had a very good video and then got to soak our feet for a nice little pedicure! Nothing better than a group of ladies sitting in a circle, soaking their feet and visiting together.

I have lost my Bible - my nice new one that I was enjoying so much - New Living Translation. I have been going around the house like a madman trying to locate it without success. Good news is that lots of little corners got cleaned up. Bad news is that I can't find it anywhere after all that and so today I bought a new one. Luckily it was on sale and although the print isn't as big and the cover not so nice, I can't wait to get back on track with my Bible reading. Exodus, here I come!

Here are some highlights that I've been thinking about since hearing the message on Sunday: Jesus positions us to feel our need. It is so easy to become self-sufficient and independent as we trust in our own selves. But we need to come face to face with our need because in reality self-sufficiency is a lie. And once we recognize our need, Jesus allows us to own that reality and come to terms with how little we have to offer. Then He accepts the little that we do have and works through us to do His work. We can see that pattern in the story of Jesus feeding the 5000 (Matthew 14:13-21). The disciples wanted to let the people go home as it was dark and there was nothing to eat; just as we wish circumstances would go away in our lives.

But Jesus says, "They do not need to go away. You give them something to eat."

Did Jesus know the disciples had nothing to feed the people with? Of course He did but He put them in the position of seeing that they could not meet the need. The disciples said they only had five loaves of bread and two fishes.

And Jesus says, "Bring them here to me".

And he takes the little that the disciples have and starts to divide the food and asks the disciples to hand it out and as we know, that little bit became enough food for 5000 men plus women and children with twelve baskets of food left over.

This Sunday I will be working with a team to lead worship. I have worked hard to put a package of music together but I know my need. I can play some music on Sunday and it won't be any more meaningful than just a bit of 'performance' unless God empowers our team and works through us to do His work. So I am giving my little to Him with every hope and prayer that He will accomplish His purposes with it.

So pray for me, if you will, that God would bring me to a point of total awareness of my need and destroy any confidence I might have in my own ability. And may He be glorified and His Spirit move freely as we proclaim our love and our worship to our Most Loving Father.

Last evening was Halloween so I dressed up the boys and off we went to pester the neighbors. We have a neighbor in each direction about a 1/2 mile away. None of us get any kids for Halloween except for my boys. So they get treated very well! It took us about an hour to get around to all four places and back home again. Ladger and I watched "Shallow Hal" after the boys went to bed and didn't settle down 'til close to midnight which was late for me considering I haven't had a full nights sleep for over a week with the boys not feeling well. It was worth it (not that the movie was hugely fantastic - a little corny ) because the time without the kids was relaxing!

This morning Ladger and I headed to church for a church membership class. It was really awesome!
And then as it was 12:30, we figured we may as well eat in town as no doubt the boys would be half way through their meal with Grandma and Grandpa. Ladger was in a hurry because he wanted to basically go home and jump straight on the combine.

So all was going well until I walked in the door to pick up the boys and found things in an uproar. Rory had picked up the ear infection that Paxton had a few days ago and had a fever.
I suspected it might develop but as he was fine this morning, I wasn't too uncomfortable leaving them. But my m-i-l really worries when the boys pick up the least thing and she was wanting me to head straight to the hospital and meanwhile I'm trying to assess how bad things really are. Meanwhile, she had cooked dinner for Ladger and I (without mentioning it) and so they were still waiting for us to come home to eat (1:30 pm). So everything was in a bit of a flap. I got the boys home, gave Rory some Tylenol and had quite a time settling him down as he was crying that he had to go to the doctor. I can just imagine how scared he must have been with Grandma telling us how sick he was, how he likely had something like Typhoid and how we needed to rush him to the doctor,etc, etc. And she gets upset with me because in her opinion I don't dress the boys warm enough, I don't take them to the hospital often enough, I made Rory walk home when he was feeling so sick and so on. I couldn't carry Rory because I was already carrying Paxton and I'm a big believer in fresh air being a good healthy thing anyway. He felt better by the time we got home (except upset about needing to go to the doctor) and started playing with toys as soon as we got in and he settled down a bit. Anyhow, now my boys are fast asleep and it's time for me to get at some work until they get up and need me once again. Being a Mom has its trying moments!